Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
