I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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