It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
