im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
