if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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