i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
