drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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