I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
