i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
