I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dicks are not precious.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize