You can't motorboat a personality
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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