she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
