TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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