Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
