So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
