I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
