She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
