I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
