so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
