I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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