I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
