I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
