idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
