Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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