i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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