Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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