I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
