I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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