Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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