I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
