It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize