handjob tips. give me some.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
