it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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