I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
