would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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