we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
