I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
