Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
