I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
