Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize