She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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