i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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