Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
