i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
