I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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