its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
