Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
