If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize