Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
