That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
