We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
