The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
