in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
