I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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