I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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