what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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