It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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