Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
