its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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