My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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