after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
