Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I deserve this hangover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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