The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
