i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
