I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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