we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
