she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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