That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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