guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
high people should be assigned attendants
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's blow job season.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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