Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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