Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
