I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
