is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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