evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
