Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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