just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
