I can text with my tongue
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
