Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
