come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
