Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
