...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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