Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
