New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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