i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
