She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
