She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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