worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
