Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
