He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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