I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
