We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how does that bad decision feel?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
