Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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