the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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