you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
