I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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