She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize