Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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