Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
