Quick, to the slutcave!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
