I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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