My brain says no but my pants say off.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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