My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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