yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
